


Forward

by theroomstops



Series: Moments [8]
Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-23 04:25:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19143532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theroomstops/pseuds/theroomstops
Summary: The days had gone by, all of them pretty much the same. Wake up to the sun shining through the window behind them, share a lazy hour in bed, and then eat a late breakfast on the patio. They’d go for walks around the island. At first maintaining the proper distance they had been used to from months before, eventually with her hand in his as they explored new tracks that all eventually lead to the same restaurant. They’d share a cold drink in the shadow, as they watched strangers play with the stingrays in the sea.David and Julia finally get a damn holiday. And find the courage to move forward after all the things that have happened to them, with all their cards open on the table.





	1. Forward

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out again to amickhawes for being the one that sparked this idea. They needed a holiday, but they're still works in progress.
> 
> This is LONG. Like, about double the size it should be. I couldn't stop writing. I tried, believe me. People can attest to that fact. So it's really long. I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself. Blame David and Julia.

_Their journey to the Maldives had been longer than any trip David had ever taken. Being out in public, unafraid to touch or speak openly, had felt so thrilling and new that he’d barely noticed the hours passing by. Happily holding her hand in his as the plane took off, and not letting go even when flight attendants stopped by to ask if they needed anything. Happily resting side by side in their cocoon-like seats as they discussed life, politics, his children and pondered whether the air quality in first class would be better than it was in economy. She had rarely traveled anything below first, and David hadn’t seen anything beyond economy, but Julia had insisted on both of them flying business class, and to her surprise, David had agreed to it. But when Julia had fallen asleep on his shoulder on the last leg of their trip, he’d been unable to do the same. Still a little afraid that he’d wake up to another branch hitting the window, and find her not there after all. Occasionally, he had felt her hand twitch in his, prompting his curiosity at what was swirling inside her head. If she was being plagued by what had happened to her, or dreaming of what could be. He’d spent the hour studying her face, neck twisted into a painful position to make sure he didn’t miss any part of her. She was still real, so unbelievably real._

_When they’d landed on the little island resort that would be their home for the next few weeks, Julia had surprised him by speaking to the hotel manager in perfect French, and David had stood back to revel in learning yet another unknown part of her. Julia still had connections, as evidenced by the VIP access at the airport that gave them a bit of anonymity, and by the immediate and effortless way they’d been shown around the island before walking into a secluded villa to find all of their belongings carefully unpackaged, suitcases neatly tucked away in the cupboards. Not anything David was used to, though he wasn’t protesting as much as he’d thought he would have as they’d left London. It was surprisingly easy, not being asked to focus on anything else. Whatever food they desired would arrive with the touch on a device, any drink of choice readily available in a large fridge. He really understood the appeal, even if he felt occasional twinges of guilt._

_As the manager had locked the door behind her, they’d landed on the bed with a thud and made love until exhaustedly falling asleep, both looking up at the stars through the roof window. Fourteen hours later, and two hours after him, Julia had tussled out onto their private patio in a towel, hair still wet from the shower and her stomach rumbling as she’d sat down beside him in the shadows and tucked her feet in his lap. Enough food to feed a small army had arrived 30 minutes later, as they continued to talk for hours, still desperately seeking to learn and know more about the events of the last 6 months, and each other._

_It took David a full day to fully realize that they didn’t actually need to leave the room, not for anything. A more private section of the beach only a few steps away, a cooling pool hidden away from any curious eyes and a secluded tub on the patio. David was surprised to learn that though he probably knew more about Julia Montague than most people, he was also learning new sides to her every day. That she liked to walk a bit out, dive into the sea, and see how far she could get before needing to breathe again. Julia had been surprised to learn that while normally so stoic and grown up, David became extremely childish near water._

_That he would look impressive in a bathing suit seemed obvious, but that he relished in doing cannonballs in the pool was a bit of new information she wasn’t quite appreciative of, at least not after the first five attempts. The novelty of how excited he was wore off quickly, until he’d done it enough times that she decided the only way he’d stop, was to lure him back inside. Julia had let David enjoy it in peace as she read her book in the shade, but as cute as his smile was before he jumped in, he’d eventually managed to soak her book, towel and ruin their lunch. She had waited for the right moment, and stood up as he hoisted himself out of the water to go again. She had quickly peeled her swimming suit off and thrown it towards him in the pool as she turned on her heel, and walked back inside. Even she had been impressed by the speed with which he’d managed to join her in the villa, his tanned, wet hands pawing all over her body as she’d firmly placed a hand on his chest to stop him and breathily said, “Not unless you promise to stop doing cannonballs or whatever you called it.” He’d cocked an eyebrow as if to ask if she was serious. To prove herself, she’d crawled from the end of the bed to the head of it, before lying down against the crisp white sheets with a sigh as she leaned against her arms. “I could always take a nap instead.” He’d crawled on top of her, a quick promise to stop whispered in her ear as he’d turned her over and pulled his swimming shorts off with quick ease. After they’d panted their way to exhaustion again, breaths finally calming as they both looked up at the window the way they had that first night, David had thought to himself that he should find the courage to tell her that he imagined spending his life with her. Soon. When he felt certain she was ready to hear it. For the time being, he’d settle for listening to her heavy, sleepy breaths as he lazily caressed her arm before dozing off._

_The days had gone by, all of them pretty much the same. Wake up to the sun shining through the window behind them, share a lazy hour in bed, and then eat a late breakfast on the patio. They’d go for walks around the island. At first maintaining the proper distance they had been used to from months before, eventually with her hand in his as they explored new tracks that all eventually lead to the same restaurant. They’d share a cold drink in the shadow, as they watched strangers play with the stingrays in the sea. They’d been down to look at them the first day. David had found it fascinating, as Julia shared all she knew about the creatures from her childhood visits to countless aquariums – her grandfather having studied sea life as a hobby and happy to take his beloved grandchild along on his adventures. She’d almost suggested taking Ella and Charlie to her favorite one, but caught herself in time. Too afraid to make plans, to assume she’d even be meeting his children any time soon, if ever. David squealed as his hand touched a stingray in the clear water. ‘It feels like slime, Julia, touch it!’ She’d indulged his excitement and put her hand on the one closest to her, noting the feeling of familiarity that washed over her. Just as her grandfather had allowed her to feel like a child in a childhood where she’d been treated as an adult too quickly, David made her feel human after an existence that had unknowingly asked her to cast her humanity aside. Sitting with him, quietly, she’d go through memories of the last trip she’d taken with her ex-husband. A last ditch effort a year before their divorce. Both of them increasingly annoyed with each other, and increasingly distracted by the work they hadn’t wanted to leave in the first place. It felt like worlds apart in contrast to the lazy routine they’d fallen into so easily. Eventually, they’d find their way back to their secluded little villa, and nap or make love until the scorching heat of the sun cooled as it prepared to set for the day. It was undeniably repetitive, but not yet boring._

“What are you thinking about?” David’s lips trailed down Julia’s neck as she took in the view of a gloriously warm pink sky in front of her. The sun she’d longed to see for so long, setting on yet another day in paradise. The slight breeze that made the palms wave didn’t feel cold _or_ warm against her skin, it just was. The only thing she could feel scorching against her was him. His warm, muscled body wrapped around her as she leaned against the railing of their private, seaside villa.

“That I feel different. Happy, I think.” Julia took a deep breath as she continued wistfully. “I didn’t know the quiet could be so nice.”

“Aye, it is nice. I feel happy too. Must be the island.” His words murmured against her skin as he rested his arms on the railing, wrapping her as fully in his embrace as he could.

“Must be.” Julia sighed. “Are you finding it hard not to think of home?”

“Not really. I think about my kids, but it’s surprisingly easy to forget everything else. Are you finding it hard?”

“Nope.” David giggled, his lips tickling her cheek as he leaned against her. Julia laughed softly, turning around in his arms as he stood back slightly to allow her space. “I am surprised about that. You know, I spent the last 15 years carefully planning everything, preparing myself how to be the perfect candidate. Thinking everything through. How I walked, talked, breathed. I perfected my handshake, how I _looked_ , everything. Awake at 5 each morning, ready to take everyone on. And now I can barely bother to get out of bed in time for breakfast. I haven’t even checked my phone since we arrived here.”

“You deserve a break.”

“The world could be falling apart and I wouldn’t have a clue. I still care. I do want to change things… It’s just different than it was before. I feel different.”

“You don’t have to save the world all the time, Julia.” His hand rested against her cheek, swiftly placing a stray piece of hair behind her ear as she smiled gratefully. “Sometimes you have to save yourself first.”

Julia took a deep breath as she closed her eyes, taking in his words. Appreciating them fully, and the way he’d looked at her as he said it. His hands played with the tie on her robe, playfully wrapping a hook around his finger as he swayed in front of her and his eyes finally met hers again. “You are really getting your money’s worth with that therapist.”

“Aye.” David chuckled against her lips as he pressed himself against her. Soft lips nibbled on his, and her fingertips danced across his skin as she pushed against him and guided them back towards the villa doors. He would never get tired of the way she kissed him, the way she eagerly explored him back. The cold of the glass felt nice and cool against his hot skin as he struggled to find the handle. The blast of cold air-conditioning even nicer as he closed the door behind him as her adventurous hands made it increasingly harder to focus on the reason he’d joined her outside in the first place. “I just had a shower, Julia.”

“We’ll take another one.”

“We have a table booked at the restaurant in an hour.”

“We’ll be quick then.” She wrapped her hand around him, watching his eyes close at her intimate touch as she sat down on the bed smiling, before eagerly taking him in her mouth. Her eyes peered up as she watched while he settled in a comfortable, tensed stance, face contorting desperately as she worked on him. She paused briefly, pumping her hand slowly instead, feeling the desperate way his fingers clutched her shoulder. She smiled wickedly as she watched her victory in action, before asking softly, “Still want me to stop?”

“No! No. Don’t stop, for the love of…” Julia felt him come alive in her mouth before she stood back up, pushing him against the bed and straddling his legs. David quickly discarded the terrycloth robe, smiling appreciatively as she looked down at him. His arms wrapped around her waist, safe and warm in the cold gust from above, as any thoughts of dinner laid discarded along with a wet towel and a robe on the floor.

______________________________

It felt like her body was on fire. Hands shaking, legs threatening to buckle at any moment as she heaved over and landed in the warm sand. Her heart had been pounding for an hour. Unwilling to calm down even as she’d wrapped herself around David, something that usually helped whenever this monster would rear its unwelcomed head. Even feeling David caress her fingers, slowly and gently, the way he had every night when she’d wake up panicked, hadn’t helped. His half-asleep state had slowly slipped into heavy, deep snores as her heart rate had increased. Her body was unrelenting. Uncontrollable. And if she hadn’t been warned in hospital that this would happen, by a crisis psychologist, she would have felt certain it was a heart attack. It felt like it. It felt as if her body was slowly shutting down, ready to take its final bow. And as if she’d survived months in cold, damp hell only to die in a paradise, with David sleeping soundly only a few feet away.

David had mentioned things his therapist had taught him, but nothing seemed to be working. The sand in her hand didn’t ground her, and the fresh air didn’t distract. Lazing around all day, pushing the real world away for two weeks, had seemingly allowed the volcano inside her to erupt. She heard a faint voice in the background as she heard her breaths pound in her ears. Tears streamed down her cheeks, salting her lips as she gasped into the quiet night. She felt warm hands on her back, gently caressing it as the voice grew closer. More human. And then it finally sounded like Davids. Like home.

“Julia, you have to breathe. Nothing helps if you forget to breathe, remember?”

“I am. Breathing.”

“No, you’re not. Force yourself. Long breaths.” David leaned in, holding her body against his as he felt it make tiny attempts at taking short breaths. Short gasps for air slowly became steadier, eventually calming enough that he’d actually call them attempts at breathing. He gathered her shivering body in his arms as he walked them both to the double sun bed on the patio. He carefully laid her on the mattress, turning to walk inside as he felt hands clutching at him. He turned for a moment to look at her, her desperate eyes much too reminiscent of having to leave her behind in a bloodied car six months earlier. “Don’t worry, love. I’m just going to grab something. I’ll come right back to you, I promise. I don’t want you to get cold out here.”

She still lay shivering, her back turned to him, when he returned not even a minute later with the spare duvet in hand. “Here. Don’t get cold, it’ll only make it worse.”

They lay quietly for a while. Julia’s breaths slowly became less like desperate gasps and more like intake of breaths, and he could see the color return to her face. He caressed her fingers, gently taking the time to stroke each one carefully, as her face slowly turned upwards to meet his. She trembled slightly as quivering lips opened and a voice sounding less like Julia and more like a crying child came out.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just human.” _Déjà vu._

“Thank you for finding me. I’ll probably be alright now if you want to go back to sleep.”

“I like it better here. The duvet is here. The stars are nice. And you’re here. I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” He pressed her fingers against his lips, feeling her start to shake again as tears streamed down her face. He pulled her into his arms, holding her forcefully as she cried. Breathless gasps now coming out as desperate, quiet sobs as he wrapped his leg around her and covered her whole body with his. To hold her, to assure her he would hold her as long as she needed, just as his therapist had instructed over the phone a few days ago when he’d first noticed the signs.

The stars sparkled above them as her breaths against his chest grew warmer and more normal. The duvet felt like a nice cover against the slight chill of the night. If he didn’t feel so bad for her, he would have treasured the moment even more. He could see the slight contours of clouds against rose tinted sky. They hadn’t been awake early enough for a single sunrise, and he hadn’t imagined he’d see one this way. Julia continued taking deep breaths and he leaned back to look at her. Tired, red eyes looked back at him, messy hair spilling over her face and he couldn’t help himself. He pressed his lips against her forehead, gently trailing along down to salty tear-stained cheeks. David pushed the hair out of her face as he gave her a reassuring smile, and for the first time that night, found her smiling back. Tired, but definitely more his Julia than the way he’d found her.

“So I wanted to be a doctor, what did you want to be?”

“Really, now?” She looked surprised.

“Yes, now, especially now. It helps when you talk about something else. It sounds ridiculous, but trust me, love.”

“I wanted to teach. I always thought I’d practice for a while, maybe do some good there if I was lucky, and then I would go teach at UCL. Be a law professor. And I wanted to travel. I wanted to see everything, all the wonders. And instead I almost died in a tunnel because of…”

“But you didn’t die. You didn’t. You’re here, and you’re alive and you’ve never been more beautiful. The sun is about to come up on another day, and you are here to see it. And tonight, we’ll go down to the beach and watch the sun set. And _you_ will be there to see it. You’re okay, Julia. I’m here, you’re here, that little grasshopper over there, he’s here too.” She chuckled slightly; tears falling freely down her cheek as she drew deep, shaky breaths. 

“You’ve already survived more than anyone should have to withstand, Julia, and you’re still here. That power you talked about before, that’s just some political bullshit. You’re a superhero. When I tell Ella about what happened to you, she will think you’re made of steel, because you are.” A quick smile crept upon her lips, weary eyes searching his and then relaxing at his gaze. “And I don’t just mean surviving what they did to you down there. Someone tried to kill you, they shot Terry in front of you, and you still got up the next day and tried. And then you did it again the next day. I was there, I know exactly how affected you were. How much you tried. It doesn’t matter if you break down once in a while, because you still pick up your broken pieces and try again. You’ve woken up in a sweat every night we’ve been here, but you still get up the next morning. I didn’t do that. When I thought you died, I… I shot myself. I didn’t even have it in me to try anymore. So I went home, pulled out my gun and tried to end it because I couldn’t face my life. And what a waste it would have been.”

Her eyes hadn’t left his since he’d opened his mouth. Lips opened and closed, before she finally said, softly. “Aikens told me. Or, rather, I overheard him boasting to everyone. He switched your bullets for blanks.”

“Aye.” David shook his head slightly, irritated even thinking about the man that had robbed them of so much, and almost of a life. “I can’t believe I have to be grateful for anything that bastard’s done.”

“Well,” She sighed. “I know I am.” 

He continued in a hushed voice, “I’m really sorry for what I did. Tried to do. I’ve thought about it a lot. At first, I thought it was just guilt. But I didn’t do anything wrong. And then when I worked out those feelings with the doctor, what I felt for you, it wouldn’t go away. I never had the time to process us. After things settled, when we thought we’d caught all of them, that was the first time I had time to think again. And I couldn’t stop thinking about that hotel room, even though it was so lonely. You lived in my head, but I couldn’t tell anyone. I kept remembering one night when I heard you muttering in your sleep.” Julia looked up, surprised at his memory. 

David’s face lit up, lost in a sweet memory as he smirked and continued. “You started going on about how Roger could think again about staying chief whip once you’re in charge. Even in your dreams you were making plans to be PM. Your mouth sort of puffed, and you kept tossing back and forth, telling him off in your sleep. It was very cute, actually. I almost felt bad for him, you sounded pretty angry. Never thought I’d like hearing another man’s name in bed, but that just made me laugh. I had to pull the covers up so I wouldn’t wake you.” His arm tightened around her, pulling her closer as he lowered his gaze to hers. He’d waited too long to tell her all the things that had swirled in his head, and now he’d laid them all out there for her to hear. Maybe it was too late, maybe it was too soon, but it finally felt right to share what was in the depths of his heart with her. “You were the first person to make me laugh like that in a really long time. You made me feel a bit normal again, even though nothing was. I loved you, Julia. It wasn’t supposed to happen, and it wasn’t this sweet little romance, but I did love you. And every day you were gone I wished I could have told you that.”

Julia’s hand touched his cheek, stroking it lovingly as two pairs of eyes brimmed with tears underneath the morning sky. She pressed her lips to his, letting go of a gentle sigh while relaxing into his arms as they lay entwined underneath the duvet and a blanket of stars.

“So,” Julia said, carefully. “You asked me an uncomfortable question, can I ask you one?”

“Sure.”

“What really happened to you, after you thought I died? Why would you want to shoot yourself?” He instinctively averted her gaze, looking over her towards the hot tub before she gently forced him to look at her again. “There’s a long way from being upset to pulling the trigger, David.”

“It just felt like I was dying. I’d failed everyone. I’d wrecked things with Vic, my kids were scared all the time, and then someone took you too. I knew eventually they’d find out about Andy being the shooter and find out about our past. I didn’t have it in me to get up and keep trying. You had been the first taste of fresh air I’d had in such a long time, and then you were gone. I wouldn’t do it again, but I didn’t know how to handle things. PTSD is funny that way. That’s what I have. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”

“Yes, I guessed.” Julia whispered, empathically.

“For a very long time, I didn’t know why I did a lot of the things I did. Why I couldn’t just answer Vicky’s questions, or sit down and watch a movie with the kids. Just watch a movie, right? Should be easy. But I couldn’t even do that. I didn’t understand why sometimes it was like there was an earthquake inside of me. My therapist says that my body was like a car that never lets the foot of the gas, so even when it’s trying to relax, it still feels like it’s moving. When you died, it felt like all that fight I’d put up, everything had been for nothing. I only had one thing left, and that was to protect you. And I’d failed. There was just this pain, and I needed it to stop. I wanted to be done with all the hurt and the guilt.”

“Guilt over what Craddock and Sampson made you do?” She said softly, running a finger quickly across his cheek as he looked at her.

“Aye. How did you know about that?” David said, surprised and a bit apprehensive. He hadn’t thought of a good way to share that little detail with her yet.

“Aikens.”

“I’m so sorry, Julia.”

“I know you are. They threatened your children, David, you had to do what you did. You could have ruined my life. Sleeping with a subordinate, working with the security service to take down the Prime Minister, it would have been _so_ easy for you to take me down with everything you must have known. If that’s what you wanted to do. And you didn’t, and you hadn’t. Aikens would have told me. He very much enjoyed sharing the details of how life carried on without me, and what he was about to do to you. He felt very certain I would never get out. I knew you hadn’t done it because you wanted to, as much as he clearly wanted me to believe you did. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why you did do it. The easiest way to get to any human being, isn’t it? Their family. I’m not saying it didn’t hurt to hear, but you didn’t have a choice. You took a lot of risks though, not giving them all the information. Craddock complained to Aikens on the phone that she felt you were withholding information.”

“I didn’t know if I should trust you, but I didn’t trust them. And… I liked you. I wanted to save you too, remember?”

“You did save me, David. I’m only here now because you didn’t give up. If that surgeon hadn’t felt so guilty because of the investigation you led, he might have never gone to the police when he did. They wouldn’t have found me in time. And you know I don’t say that easily, I don’t particularly **enjoy** being rescued.”

“Well, you’re not getting rid of me now. Don’t they say that if you save someone’s life you’re responsible for them forever?”

“That’s a Chinese proverb.”

“Well, the Chinese have a lot of good ideas. We’ll give them this one too.” As his nose snuggled into her neck, a wave of emotion rushed over her. What had begun as one of the worst nights of Julia’s life, feeling as if she was about to die, had turned into what now felt like the new beginnings. She had opened her heart, he had seen her at her lowest – again, and he hadn’t turned and run away this time either. This beautiful man next to her, usually one of few, carefully chosen words, had poured his heart out, willingly sharing the secrets he didn’t know she knew and thoughts he probably didn’t want anyone to hear. Her marriage had been so complicated, even in a world where it should have been so easy. Two people who should have been a perfect fit. Yet it wasn’t until now, that anything in her life had felt so natural. Loving him was easy. Her heart pounded again, this time with excitement and acknowledgement. All her fears left behind on a comfortable sun bed, in the capable hands of a man who never looked at her with judgment. 

The sun rose behind them, a new day dawning as Julia’s eyes finally closed and they both drifted off to sleep.

______________________________

On their last night, David tucked his shirt into his dress pants just as he heard Julia sneak up behind him. She whispered softly in his ear, and he turned around with a smile. He’d seen the dress hanging over the wardrobes, but nothing could have prepared him for the vision before him. They still had a few hours, the sun hadn’t even set yet, and he leaned in to kiss her. His lips kissed the air as she leaned back and held up a cold bottle of champagne and blanket in front of him. His new taste for champagne didn’t compare to the joy of seeing the pure happiness on her face as she smiled cheekily. David quickly grabbed the blanket under his arm, his hand slipping into hers as he closed the glass door behind them, walking barefoot towards the beach nearby.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” Julia sighed as she leaned against him. David’s legs stretched out on the little hotel blanket as he wrapped his arms around her.

“I’ve never seen a sunset like this.” He said, honestly, placing a quick kiss on the side of her face as he settled against the sandy ground. “Not even back home.”

Bar the few joyful voices in the far distance, a comfortable silence surrounded them as pink and purple sky turned blood red, and the sun slowly moved closer to the sea. David felt free. His hand didn’t shake as it grabbed onto hers, and his pulse raced for good reasons, not unknown ones. Julia tried to shake the feeling of a final unspoken thing still on her mind. Tried to enjoy the moment, without possibly bringing everything to a halt with one last, big confession. She bit her lip, tried to focus on the way his mouth felt against her neck and the divine feel of the sea breeze against her body.

“I lied before.” It had come out just above a whisper. His face shifted from a relaxed smile to a softer look of concern as she sat up to look at him. “When I said that I’d be happy simply having you in my life. I want to be _with_ you. Properly. Or at least try to. Maybe we’re too different. Maybe we’d hate each other in a year. But I’d rather try and find out we were painfully wrong. I don’t want us to be friends, to pretend this isn’t what it is, that I don’t feel what I feel.”

A heavy feeling releasing itself from her chest as she took one last, trepidatious step in laying her heart out for him to take. She watched as his eyes closed, holding her breath for what felt like forever, before he finally opened his mouth to speak.

“Oh thank God...” Her whole body shook as a smile filled his face. His eyes glistened in the sun, the corners of his mouth shaking as he laughed at himself. “I mean, I appreciated the sentiment, ‘keep good people around you’ and that. I have other friends, I don’t want to be just friends with you. That’s not what I want at all. I’ve wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to scare you off. I love you, Julia. Present tense.”

She smiled, taking a deep breath as his hand found hers in her lap. _You can trust me. I won’t run away._ Soft words whispered in her ear as his fingers laced with hers. 

“I love you.” 

Three words that felt like freedom. A simple expression that had never held as much meaning as it did on an empty beach halfway around the world. He pulled on her hand, and she snuggled back into him as David grabbed the champagne bottle beside him. Expensive drops spilled as it popped open, the bottle traveling between them as the blood red sun dropped into the sea.

“Do you think we’ll be good at normal life?” She asked plainly, handing the bottle back to him.

“We’ve already survived a shooting, a bomb, a whole crime syndicate… I’m sure we’ll survive wet towels on the floor and laundry piles.”

“We’ll get a maid if we need it.” She stretched out against him, a soft, relaxed smile on her lips and David chuckled behind her.

“I think we’ll be alright on our own, Julia.”

“I think you have too much faith in my ability to change, PS Budd. I’m used to having help.”

“We’ll grow together, how about that? I’ll try not to offend your mother at Christmas and you’ll try to learn how to separate your laundry properly.”

“Christmas?” She tensed in his arms.

“Julia, I did say you’re never getting rid of me, do you think you’re getting rid of me for the holidays?” His voice was teasing, and his smile so endearing it made her heart burst. “You just wait…”

“No, I…” She sat up, pulling him with her. His warm, comforting arms wrapping around her from the side as she realized she hadn’t even thought about the practical sides of holidays. “I haven’t really celebrated Christmas with my mother in about 15 years. Christmas was the one thing Roger’s family did well, so while we were married, I always spent it with them. And after my divorce, I’d just stay in London to work. I’m not a big fan of the holiday.”

“When you see how the Budds celebrate Christmas, I think you will be. We’ll make you a yuletide fan yet. We’ll get you a tartan scarf – in the right colors, of course. Santa stockings, black bun, turkey, the whole family comes around, it’s great.” He was excited, she could tell, his voice light and filled with prospective joy.

“It sounds exhausting.” 

“Charlie and Ella, they love it. Vicky’s family isn’t very large, but the whole extended Budd clan, we’re a close-knit bunch.” His voice dropped, the lightness replaced with a tinge of regret. “I wasn’t a very present dad this last Christmas, because of everything…” 

_Because of her_ , it hit Julia. _David_ hadn’t been very present because he’d been brokenhearted over _her_ presumed death. She kissed him quickly, happy to see a grateful smile as she leaned back as he continued to speak. “So this year, I’ll make it up to them, and then we’ll make up for all the times you sat at home alone watching sad Christmas movies and drinking red wine.”

“At least tell me there’s wine at these Christmases.” David laughed, pulling her towards him gently. His chest was warm, the sound of his heart beating against her ear as she leaned against him. “Your mother isn’t one of those weird creatures that doesn’t allow alcohol, is she?”

“Oh there’ll be wine, and plenty of scotch. We wouldn’t survive all the parties otherwise. And knowing my mam she’ll want to bring the kids to all the Christmas fairs, so you and I can sneak off and have some fun on our own.”

“Alright, well, tell me more about that part.”

“How do you feel about---” His nose rubbed against her cheek as he whispered. “Ice skating?”

“I’m leaving you.” She playfully pushed against him, enjoying the way his embrace didn’t let up. His chest shook as he laughed and she couldn’t help but giggle along with him.

“Alright, how about checking into a hotel in the middle of the day?”

“I might start to enjoy Christmas after all.” She climbed closer, his warm chest a welcome contrast to the chilly breeze from the sea.

“We’ll make it work. And if you still hate the idea of it, you can go back to London and we’ll spend New Years Eve together instead. I’m never going to force you to do anything, Julia. We still come from completely different worlds, we have a lot to learn about each other. But I do want you to meet Ella and Charlie, and I picture us waking up in my old bedroom on Christmas Day, I can’t lie and say I don’t.”

“I do want to meet your family. All of them. Do you think your children would like seeing the stingrays at the aquarium? Or are they too big for that? I used to love going when I was Ella’s age, but maybe children are more grown up these days.” Julia sighed contently against him.

“I think they’d love that.” David smiled happily, placing a soft kiss in her hair.

“One day.”

“Yeah, one day.” 

They never did make it to the last dinner. Julia insisted she’d heard the butler laughing as he walked away. David hadn’t really cared as he settled into bed, the plate unbearably hot against naked skin and a simple sheet. Julia’s half-hearted suggestion to eat at the table had been met with a snicker before David inhaled a mouthful of fries. Outside, soft waves crashed against the beach. The sun had gone, and the moon taken its place above them, reflecting in the sea.

______________________________

“David?” His eyes shot open at the sound of her voice over the sound of airplane motors in the background.

“Julia. You alright?” His hand clutched hers, clammy and warm after she’d fallen asleep against him hours ago.

“I’m not ready to pop our bubble yet.” David looked at her curiously, as Julia’s eyes roamed to check for any listening ears. As she turned back to David, her voice dropped, a more husky tone, the kind she reserved for his ears only. “Have you ever… On a plane?”

His eyes widened. Heart beating faster and blood streaming towards uncontrollable places at the very thought of what he had immediately assumed she was suggesting. “No. Have you?”

“God, no.” Julia held David’s gaze for a long, agonizing minute. He watched as she sat up, stretched and then slowly got to her feet as she gently cocked her head sideways towards the front of the plane before walking off in that direction. David took a deep breath, trying to wait for at least a minute before eagerly making his way after her. He counted 53 excruciating seconds when he jumped out of his seat and walked determined towards the front.

He pondered for a second, before turning the handle to the one that said vacant, opening it to find Julia holding her breath. 

“That took a minute.” She panted, as he snuck in and shoved the lock to occupied.

“53 seconds, actually. I didn’t want to arouse suspicion; I don’t know how any of this works. Oy, is this bigger than the other bathroom? Definitely bigger than the economy ones.” He swirled around, taking in the surroundings as he checked his height against the roof and stretched his arms out wall to wall in front of the door. “Not by much, but you definitely have a bit more room in this one.”

“David?” He turned around to find Julia dangling the black underwear he’d watched her put on earlier that day, one eyebrow raised as her eyes pierced into him. 

“Got a little overexcited there.”

“It’s just a tiny plane bathroom, David.”

“Sorry, I’m just not used to all this. Vic and I used to find enough money to go to her mum’s cabin and occasionally take the kids to Legoland, and now I’m in a business class airplane bathroom with a former Home Secretary.”

“Hopefully about to break a few rules in an airplane bathroom.” Julia pulled on his lapels, pulling him closer as he ran his fingers through her hair.

“Technically, it might even be against the law, I’m not sure.”

“Well, let’s hope they throw us in the same cell.” She giggled against his lips. It tickled softly right as he captured them in his own. He moaned against her as she quickly undid the zipper of his khaki pants. David quickly replaced her firm hands with his own, as he quickly shed himself of trousers and underwear, letting them drop to his knees as Julia took in his naked form in the terrible dim lighting.

“You’re ready quickly.” Julia placed a loose palm around his semi-hard cock quickly as she kissed him, before gathering her dress as she leaned back.

“Bursting.” He held onto the bunched up dress as she lifted herself slightly, holding herself up against the sink. “When I say I never expected to find myself joining the mile high club with our former Home Secretary… Let’s just say none of the politicians we learned about in school ever looked like you.”

The words hung in the air as he pushed against her and she slid down on his cock. David cursed under his breath as he tried to steady them both, unable to find a rhythm as the plane shook a bit. Julia held her breath as she watched the seatbelt sign above the door. _Fuck, please don’t._ The plane steadied quickly, as did David, with a hand placed on the wall, and Julia braced herself as he pushed into her again. Soft giggles filled the tiny room as they held onto each other desperately in the minimal space. 

She panted against his lips, taking him in fully as his hips bucked furiously against hers. One hand against her back, as he finally found the perfect pace, fueling them both towards the edge with determination and razor-sharp focus. Sweat began to form over his eyebrow as he kissed her passionately. Never letting her mouth part from his as he nipped and sucked on her bottom lip between soft, restrained gasps. 

David felt like his head would explode. The feeling of her around him, warm and wet as the sound of them filled the sticky air around them, felt almost too much. He’d lost her. Grieved for her. And yet there she was. Her blushed face staring back at him with hooded eyes before her head fell back with pleasure as he increased the pace. His Julia, so unlike anyone he’d ever met. So unlike the person he’d thought her to be. Absolutely not the woman he’d imagined having sex with under any circumstance, and certainly not in a tiny plane bathroom, when they’d met on a chilly October day six months ago.

David could feel that old, familiar feeling of rapture build rapidly. Julia moaned, but caught herself quickly, and he pressed soft lips against hers. The soft gasps against him only spurred him on, only turned him on further. He felt her body tense in his arms just as he could feel himself lose control, pressing himself against her as he unleashed every memory of the last six months, the heaven and the hell, and lost himself in her completely. Sharp nails dug into his lower back as she convulsed around him. Her breathy kisses against his neck were a welcome distraction as they panted their way down from heaven. Their new reality would come soon enough. For now there were only the contented post-coital giggles and sated smiles between them.

“We are definitely doing that again sometime.” David whispered and grinned as he leaned down to pull his underwear back up. Julia smiled widely in return as she leaned against the mirror behind her to catch her breath.

“Are you ready?” He zipped his trousers and nodded quickly, a cheeky grin on his lips as he watched an unruly curl fall down over her face as she stood on both feet. He stood back to let her clean up, coy eyes meeting his as she pulled black underwear on and let her skirt fall down. Julia turned and quickly washed her hands in the little sink. Her eyes met David’s in the mirror, warm smiles mingling as he leaned in and placed a kiss on her neck. She whispered softly as he pushed a few wild pieces of hair behind her ear. “I’ll go first?”

Julia peeked out towards first class, letting out a slight breath as she was relieved to find no one nearby. She’d barely stepped beyond the open door when she jumped at the sound of her name coming from an unfamiliar voice in front of her. She slammed the door quickly as she leaned against it, and tried to find her professional facade. A persona she’d almost forgotten now, and happily left behind.

“Oh, you really are Julia Montague. Oh my Gosh. You know, I read that article about yous being alive, but I guess I didn’t really believe it until just now.” Julia couldn’t help but stare at the tiny, older woman in front of her, whose mouth was agape with shock simply at the sight in front of her. 

“Thank you?” Julia said, uncharacteristically a little unsure of what to do next.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to your seat, I was just waiting for the last person to finish so we could close the washrooms before landing.” She took in the flight attendant uniform and felt only grateful that the tiny woman hadn’t decided to check two minutes earlier.

“Oh there’s…” Julia leaned firmly against the door.

“No, no,” The flight attended practically pulled her away and towards the curtain that led to their seats. “I will come find you and we’ll sort out anything you need, ma’am.”

“Please don’t lock me in here.” David’s voice, heard meekly from the other side of the door.

“There’s…” She watched as the flight attendant grew redder in front of her. The previously assured and firm posture suddenly aghast as the woman took it all in and did the math. It was the first time Julia had felt a little like herself in a long time, surprisingly she found herself not remotely embarrassed or unsure of herself in what imagine would have toppled most people. 

“I’ll be in my seat.” Julia said confidently, and bit her lip to keep from laughing as she opened the curtains and walked back towards her little cocoon. David followed soon after, a sheepish grin on his face as he slumped down beside her.

“Think our cover’s blown?” He looked at her brazenly.

“Who cares?” Julia settled comfortably against the seat as she buckled her seatbelt and watched David do the same.

“Not me.” David said sincerely. He didn’t. It was new for him, being brazen and daring. 

“Thank you for coming with me.” She turned her head towards him.

“To the island or the bathroom?” He responded playfully, cocking one eyebrow as she laughed lightly. That sound was the most addicting thing on the planet.

“Both.”

“Well, thank you for taking me. Also both.” He kissed her, softly. Letting his lips rest against hers until the plane jolted. The captain’s voice boomed over the speaker system and Julia turned away from him.

David adjusted his head against the pillow, his left leg resting over the right knee as he took a deep breath and turned to his side. She was counting, exactly as she had done on the way here. He’d never known she hated flying, and he only imagined her recent trauma had made it worse. She had quickly informed him between deep breaths as they took off from London that she’d always hated it, but had never let it stop her. As if something ever could stop the unstoppable Julia Montague. His comforting eyes met hers, a gentle hand stroking her arm as she took a few calming breaths while the captain informed them of their imminent landing on the speaker. Julia’s hand snaked across his thigh, resting against him for just a moment before David took her hand in his. He leaned over and whispered softly in her ear. “Little too dangerous. Too close to Area 51.”

Julia chuckled under her breath, a small smile forcing its way through the nervousness. She leaned her head against his shoulder as David continued to draw soothing circles on her arm. Her skin tickled as he kissed her forehead over and over again. 

Maybe she was a little broken. Maybe that wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Life had broken her open, reminded her of her humanity. And maybe eventually she’d become good at picking up the broken pieces, but until then she knew David would be there to help.


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While writing this whole fic, I couldn't stop thinking of something Jane Fonda said: 
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> _"You think you're broken, but you're really broken open."_  
>  **
> 
>  
> 
> I feel like that line has been my touchstone for this post-canon version of Julia Montague, and in a way for David too. Brokenness isn't a bad thing. It's an opening, a way forward. It doesn't mean you're any less, you just need some time.

Upon their return to London, David Budd and Julia Montague found themselves the sudden focus of the media. David was grateful for the swift reaction of an airport security guard as he walked out and was met by countless flashes in his face. It lasted weeks. Photographers hounding them as they attempted to leave the house and news anchors discussing the propriety of their relationship on morning news shows. Julia remained insistent they needed to leave it alone, live their lives as they would have, let it die out and in turn she had been right. The imposing, private questions were soon replaced by a quick snap as they left Julia’s flat hand in hand. Eventually they were left with only the friendly neighbor next door, waving them off as she potted around in her little front garden.

David continued to work on being a present father and parenting partner, earning Vicky’s trust back, as he slowly merged the old David with the new David. Vicky slowly grew to appreciate Julia’s firm hand and eventual bond with her children, and treasured having David to share the joys and burdens with again. 

It took two years for Julia to go back to work. Two years of therapy, cold sweat, arguments, tears and finally, triumph. The ability to be locked in an elevator without wanting to die. The ability to be cold without feeling thrown back in that tunnel. The ability to face a nation and tell her full story, with David only as moral support and not literally holding her hand through it. Freedom. Triumphs on the road towards leaving her old life behind. 

David flourished as he was offered work in private security. Less stress, and more time. More time that eventually ceased to be as long evenings spent over a glass of wine on the sofa turned into two heads pouring over study books and laptops. 

Julia’s first Christmas present to David was a stethoscope accompanied by a note; _Still not laughing._ And the number of a surgeon friend who was ready to take him on. After a few days of going back and forth, David made the call to cheers from the three people around the dining table. He had no intention of letting the money for medical school be anything but a generous loan, just as Julia promised him back that she would just as quickly withdraw the money and put it into savings accounts for Ella and Charlie’s futures. Regardless of what they’d want to study, they would have the freedom he didn’t.

Julia had always expected she’d eventually return to politics, but when she felt the sudden urge to tell David she wanted to teach law for a while, it had felt right in a way that few things in her life ever had. At first, she stepped in for old friends, a few years later with a job offer at her old university. Julia had never enjoyed downtime at any point in her life; it was why she’d always made sure she never had much of it. But as she quizzed her step-daughter on her GCSEs as they leaned over a simmering pot of Ella’s magic Bolognese recipe, she couldn’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else. At least not yet. Dipping her toes in the occasional political commentary on television would be enough for now. Charlie was expected home any minute, as an exhausted David made his way down from the upstairs office. First year of medical school was indeed kicking his ass.

11 years passed by after the early morning when David Budd had told someone he barely knew he’d wanted to be a doctor, for the first time in his life, until the day he was officially Doctor David Budd. His wedding ring glistened in the fluorescent office lights, pictures of his family safe in his coat pocket, as he welcomed his first patient. A young woman carefully laid out her symptoms. David felt a chill as he recognized his younger self in front of him. Every painfully long night he’d spent studying felt worth it, as he explained to the woman that he would be referring her to a psychologist, careful not to use that one four-lettered word that had explained everything for him a decade earlier. As he let himself into his home, he found his wife unexpectedly seated at the dining table by herself. It was Wednesday; he’d expected her to be working, to be watching her on television later, discussing the special election results. To be met by his arguing children. Not fish & chips cartons and chilled white wine.

_“Kids?”_

_“They’re all doing other things.”_

He sighed gratefully, happy to have a rare moment alone with her that wasn’t in the confines of their bedroom. Somehow their house was always full of people. She filled the wine glasses as he wrapped himself around her from behind, drawing in the scent of her. Evening turned into night as the bottle emptied and he told her of his day, and she did of hers. As Julia grabbed another bottle of wine, David felt his heart swell. Part of him wished he could have told his younger self that all the pain, all the confusion, all the anger would be worth it. The other part knew he would have never been without the journey that led them here for anything.

Some of those broken parts were fixed, some were left as they were. There's beauty in the broken too, as light often finds its way in where it previously had found it difficult to break through.

**Author's Note:**

> Well done if you made it this far! Congratulations. That was a long one. I apologize.
> 
> I hope no one found it too out of character. I had to play with what Julia would be like, what she would want, what she would need, how she would react in the long run. If you disagree, that's alright, this is just my take on her, after all. Trauma is such an odd thing, it affects people in different ways, even the ones that seem invincible.
> 
> The epilogue follows.


End file.
